Book Review: this one is great for team leaders - AND parents of teenagers

For many years I worked on my own. I spent my days at home writing novels and earning my keep by doing freelance editing and writing.

These days, in theory*, I’m still writing novels, but my work situation has changed. I’m now in a team that’s bigger than one, and I love the people-ness and relationships that I turn up to every day, whether in the office or on the Zoom screen.

And now that I’m leading a team, any time I grab a stack of books from the library, it always includes at least one book about leadership. Not because I’m trying to learn things (and of course I am) but because leadership, coaching, and workplace culture are so intrinsically interesting!

It’s kind of self-development-meets-the-9-to-5 but with more people involved.

My latest find was The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.

It’s a simple concept: here are seven excellent questions that will help develop your team members’ thinking and problem solving. (And make your life easier as the leader.)

Of course, asking great questions - and they are great questions - also means doing great listening.

Ahem.

Listening can be a challenge for me. I imagine it’s a challenge for us all, but I know I’m a big one for planning my next answer as I ‘listen’ to someone. It’s fun when you exit a conversation feeling that you’ve been witty, amusing and wise. But that’s probably a one-sided sort of fun, and I doubt it has any impact at all.

Far better to be an excellent listener, with a series of outstanding questions that help the person you’re with think well about what’s going on for them.

Gotta say, my new boss is excellent at this. (And if you’re reading this - thank you for demonstrating it so frequently.) I feel very fortunate to be following a great role model.

But of course, you want to know: what are the questions? So here they are:

1 The Kickstart Question What’s on your mind?

2 The AWE Question And what else?

3 The Focus Question What’s the real challenge here for you?

4 The Foundation Question What do you want?

5 The Lazy Question How can I help?

6 The Strategic Question If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?

7 The Learning Question What was most useful for you?

Of course, you’ll do better if you read the whole book. It’s full of lots of good things and I recommend it.

Here’s another piece of brilliance from Bungay Stanier. He talks about four elements we need for safety, engagement and learning.

“T is for tribe. The brain is asking, “Are you with me, or are you against me?” If it believes that you’re on its side, it increases the TERA Quotient. If you’re seen as the opposition, the TERA Quotient goes down.

E is for expectation. The brain is figuring out, “Do I know the future or don’t I?” If what’s going to happen next is clear, the situation feels safe. If not, it feels dangerous.

R is for rank. It’s a relative thing, and it depends not on your formal title but on how power is being played out in the moment. “Are you more important or less important than I am?” is the question the brain is asking, and if you’ve diminished my status, the situation feels less secure.

A is for autonomy. Dan Pink talks about the importance of this in his excellent book Drive. “Do I get a say or don’t I?” That’s the question the brain is asking as it gauges the degree of autonomy you have in any situation. If you believe you do have a choice, then this environment is more likely to be a place of reward and therefore engagement. If you believe you don’t have a choice so much, then it becomes less safe for you.”

“Brains work best when they feel safe. TERA are the elements we need for safety. When you focus on TERA, you’re thinking about how you can influence the environment that drives engagement.”

"Your job is to increase the TERA Quotient whenever you can. That’s good for the person you’re speaking with, and it’s good for you. Asking questions in general, and asking “What do you want?” specifically, will do that.”

The Coaching Habit is an easy, fast read, but everything is useful — if you deal with people in any capacity, whether at work, or in volunteering groups, or with friends or family members. Parents, I especially recommend this for you as you ‘coach’ your children aged from 10 to 20.

Find the book at Booktopia here or on Amazon here.

*In theory, I am still writing novels, although I hope it’s going to be easier when I have children out of the house for longer periods in 2023. Current project is a semi-autobiographical graphic novel for girls aged 10-13.