How to find quiet time while you're on lockdown
It seems ironic that staying at home might be an introvert’s nightmare, but in these COVID19 days of staying home and flattening the curve, I’m finding it hard to get enough quiet time to keep me sane. I normally work from home (in my laundry office) saying goodbye and then hello to the other four family members who live with me.
Now, with no ‘goodbye’, it’s ‘hello, hello, hello,’ all day, over and over. And it’s kinda killing me.
Here are my best tips for finding calm, alone time in a house full of people, with limited opportunities to go out*.
Use visual boundaries
The very first rule I put in place was that if a door is closed, you don’t enter it. You don’t even knock. My kids are all home doing their schoolwork, but I still need to work. I simply can’t be interrupted at any time of their choosing. If I shut the door to my laundry office, they know that I do not want an interruption, and will not answer an interruption. They will have to put aside their problem and find something else to do until I can help them. The same applies if I’m wearing earbuds. I can’t take interruptions; don’t even ask me!
You might choose visual cues that work for you. Perhaps sitting in a particular chair means ‘Do Not Disturb’. Or create a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and hang it around your neck.
Use auditory boundaries
Headphones and earbuds are great visual cues for the people around you to not disturb you, but they also create an auditory barrier between you —which helps you resist the urge to get involved in everything you hear. When you don’t hear it, you can’t react to it.
They’re also great for kids to keep their music or video games to themselves so no one else has to hear it.
I’ve been working with pink noise (like white noise, just prettier) running in my ears. It's great. I might adopt the practice even when I’m on my own; it seems to give me an urgency and focus that I haven’t had much of. ‘It’s work time,’ the pink noise says.
(For relaxing, I prefer the soft spoken voices of ASMR videos and audio tracks. Don’t judge me.)
Would auditory boundaries work for you? Do you need to get a set of headphones or ear buds home delivered?
Send them outside
Not everyone is able to do this at the moment, but if you can, send the kids out and set a timer so they know when they can come back in.
Resist guilt
I don’t know if it’s just me, but mother guilt hits me hard. If there are children in the house, I somehow have the need to check on them, manage them, entertain them, and fix their problems. If I’m not involved, I feel guilty.
Let me tell you — this will kill you.
Your children are probably going to do fine at school over the next few months. If they aren’t, they’ll more than likely catch up quickly once they’re back. Everyone else’s kids are in the same boat, anyway. Give them help, but don’t overwork yourself. You need to stay sane, fit and productive over this period, or you won’t be any good to them. If the guilt gets you, send it away and tell it that there’ll be plenty of time for it next year.
What’s the hardest thing for you about resisting guilt?
Time limits
If you need to take a break, let them know how long you’ll be out of the picture for (and where you’ll be). Give them an easy activity to do while you’re gone. (TV or Wiii work well.) Then come back when your time is up, so they know they can trust you for the next time.’
Be kind, but firm
My grandfather’s life principle was to be ‘Fair, Firm and Friendly’. In today speak, it translates to this: Set boundaries that are reasonable. Communicate them well. Stick to them. It’s a stressful time. We all need kindness, especially at home. Now’s the time to practice being kind and firm. The two work very very well together. If we take the opportunity these lockdowns afford us to work on our boundaries and communication, our family life will improve out of lockdown as well.
Finally, find some nice things to do
Treat yourself kindly in these days. A selection of enjoyable but achievable projects and activities will keep mental health on track. Here are some ideas:
Create an upbeat or inspiring Spotify play list.
Meet with friends on Zoom. Pray together too — it’s uplifting.
Sew something easy and cute.
Do some mindful colouring. (These are my top choices)
Write poetry, short stories or memories from your childhood
Dance - YouTube has some great dance workouts.
Take a bath and paint your nails.
What have you found helpful while you’ve been housebound? Tell us in the comments.
*My children are upper primary and high school age. If yours are littlies, some of these may be more difficult. You can use the same principles, adapted for their age.