A few weeks ago I posted about my ongoing struggle with tummy fat. And arm fat, leg fat and fat in general.

Since that post my thinking has moved on a little bit. I feel less hopeless about the situation and more able to take positive steps, so I thought I would share what has helped shift my brain. 

I had some wonderfully supportive emails from some lovely people which included these great comments:

" Contentment. Envy rots the bones. I am ok about myself until I see a particularly beautiful person, or a seemingly effortless toned person. Everyone is tempted to be envious, whether it's over cars, houses, lifestyles, looks. I find if I say to myself, you're being envious of _______, it takes the heat out of it."

and

" When I think about the friends my age who have died, I don't think about what they looked like. One of the girls I think about had a fabulous smile. I miss their friendship, their caring, the chats we had. I don't think about their weight. When you go to a funeral, who is talking about how they looked? Maybe their fashion style, but not about their body.......my 'insides' are what makes a lasting impact on people."

as well as

 "I am sorry you say all those things to yourself everyday. I hope that saying those things is not a kind of punishment or hurting thing you are doing to yourself."

I also heard someone make an off-hand comment about something entirely other than weight or body size but it struck a chord. They said, "Well, what are you letting have control over you?"  

Then I grappled with the idea that I *can't* have everything. I can't stuff cake into my mouth on a daily basis and expect to stay a svelte size ten. It's just not possible. Decisions need to be made. 

I tossed the whole thing over and over for a couple of weeks and then I saw some photographs of my cousin. Who. Is. Now. Completely. Ripped.

After having a baby two years ago, she then proceeded to lose 40 kilos. "You guys are my inspiration," she said when I admired her at Christmas. "You lost all your baby weight."

Yes, that woman there really *is* related to me! We share genes. That makes me think I really can do this.

What's happened is that she's now *my* inspiration. She's kept going, she hasn't given up, and she's worked hard and made great choices. And she looks amazing. More than that, though, she's healthy and fit and has more energy to give to her two year old. 

I digested (deliberate pun) her photos for a few days and then I made a decision.  Like my cousin, I'd give up sugar again. But just to make it not too hard, I decided I'd give it up for one day. 24 hours. That's all.

And I was successful. So I decided to give up sugar for another full day. And again, it worked. On day 3 I decided I could give it up for a week, so that's where I am right now. And when term starts again I'm going to head to ladies fitness group on Monday nights and see if I can sign myself up for Pilates on Thursdays.   

Can I do it? Well, I've done it before. And if I continue with small steps, try to be nice to myself and hold my inspiration in view, I just might succeed. Ask me in another month...