Again, blogging takes a back seat as I think ahead to the next big deadline in my life. Yes, it's the birth of the new baby, which will take place in plus or minus 9 weeks time. 

It's a big deal for me because even though I've had three children already, I've never really been happy with the way the births have gone.

Let me quickly add that OF COURSE, I'm delighted with my three beautiful children, and you don't have to tell me that in the end, that's what matters. Of course it does. But I can't deny that there's still a sadness in me that birthing them was more traumatic than I would have ever chosen, and left more of a mark than I would have ever thought.

I don't have any guilt about what happened previously, and I'm not preparing for this birth out of a false guilt that somehow I'm not doing it 'right'. However, I am trying to educate myself more, and give myself every possible chance and opportunity to do it the 'old-fashioned' way which, when it goes well, I knjow works out best for both mummy and baby.

Some things I have been doing to prepare myself are:

- Reading every book I can find on birth, done in lots of different ways. There is a plethora of books in the library, and I've read the vast majority of them already.

- Making sure I'm comfortable with the people and place I've chosen for the birth. This meant I swapped hospitals half way through my care.

- Looking after my body, especially given that I have gestational diabetes this time around. I'm following the strictest doctor's most stringent diet in the world so I don't end up with another baby that's 4.85kg and impossible to get out.

- Chatting with and writing to a friend who is a midwife and who will be with me at the birth. She's helping me think forward and work out the fears and obstacles in my own mind.

- Reading all sorts of positive birth stories, and taking notes of helpful tips and possible things I can do during labour.

- Practicing relaxation and self-hypnosis techniques with a birthing focus.

- Practicing relaxing with my 'playlist' of music that I've already prepared.

- Making a 'birth plan' which has helped me think through my own desires, and which will help me communicate with medical staff more effectively on the day and get the quietness and calmness I need. 

- Praying a lot about it.

- Being prepared to be flexible as well as opinionated.