Cecily Paterson

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Autism. Venting after a hard day

Since the weekend, Bright Eyes has had all his anxiety switches turned on for some reason. I'm not sure what it is. It might be a change of homeopathic remedy, it might be gluten or dairy that has snuck into his diet somehow, it might be the underlying stress of living in a house where two parents are waiting for a new baby to be born or it just might be something else entirely.

In any case, it's been hard work living with him. He's overly talkative, scripted and chatty as well as demanding, aggressive and loud. I really do WANT to enjoy his company and like him, but it's hard when I spend my time managing his outbursts rather than interacting in a real way.

On Monday, he didn't want to go to school, but coped once he was there. On Tuesday, he was happier and had a better day, but both afternoons were pretty much a write-off at home, so today we took the initiative to give him a 'calming down day' on our terms and without his little brother being around. We took him into Nowra and did jobs and library visits and such things. 

One of our key strategies was to keep language at a bare minimum all day, and it did help a bit. In the car on the way there, he actually came out with several quite original thoughts and observations because he had the space to think, away from all his scripted language.

Getting through the afternoon was harder, and it was interesting that he did less well at home than when he was out, and that he and his brother straight away dropped into 'fight mode' almost as soon as we picked Max up from preschool.

I feel anxious when I see him this way, and it's as much as I can do to keep calm and trust that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. We've been through many, many of these phases before, and even though they've been hard, he can come good again. 

In the meantime, I do just feel like picking up the phone and having a bit of a sob to my mother...